zen and the art of...

Hi, I live with Carlos, often I knock on his door to find him hurriedly trying to conceal a bottle of silicon all-weather lube - he's bike crazy, and introduced me to the whole fixie thing, enlightened me to the ethos. Before, as I overtook these guys, I was often perplexed, 'why?', I thought, it just seemed dumb to me.

But most really serious city cyclists prefer fixies, or single speed setups, and now I totally get where they're coming from, beauty through simplicity, low-maintenance, hassle-free la de la la. However, friends, I've opted to keep my rear derailleur on (the front is off), as it's speed I crave. I need the acceleration, and to be able to hook on to that top gear when you've got a good run going. As far as not having a free wheel, yes you do feel more attached to the road, but I love that feeling of flight that you get when free-wheeling gracefully through your turns. Leaning into them like you're downhill skiing, it's amazing at speed.

I used to be a bicycle courier so I've had a fair bit of experience cycling in London, and it's something really close to my heart. I don't cycle outside London, I don't see the point; there's nothing to dodge and it's quicker to drive.

For me cycling is about achieving some kind of perfection, it’s a meditation, it's about dealing with the myriad different situations as they arise, with foresight, speed and efficiency. The roads are dangerous (though not as dangerous as most people think) and this forces you to concentrate that much more on your manoeuvres, as literally, your life depends on it. The faster you go the more you have to concentrate, and you can hit this point when you’re so absorbed that you loose any sense of 'self' and are totally at one, interfacing with the ebb and flow of the road.

When I was younger if my head was out of kilter then I would get down to Euston Road and bomb the length of it, often whooping wild battle cries, it totally sorted me out. When I combined my couriering with my dealing, this used to get completely insane, wired on the drip, ripping up the traffic like I was some kind of invincible god.

When I cycle I don't wear a helmet, but I used to, when I was developing my technique, and I needed it. Over a period of about a year I was knocked off/crashed about 11 times, and that helmet probably saved my life on at least half of those occasions. But those crashes taught me a lot, about what you can and can't get away with. And they taught me to always think ahead, such that now, if a door opens on me, I'm already moving out with it, and the asshole will never know that he almost wiped someone. I pity the person that gives him cause to be more careful, say a little prayer, and forget it.

I exercise pretty much a silent policy when I cycle, I never get angry, or raise my voice, if someone steps in the road and I come down on them, then it's my fault for not seeing it about to happen, if a car cuts me up, it's the same: ‘if you were concentrating properly then you would have seen it and been elsewhere’, I always blame myself. London might as well be a soup of chaos, there are no rules, apart from what you see, pre-rationally, you have to feel it. Fuck ego, and fuck the Highway Code.

People may shout at me, but often I can't hear them because I'm listening to my pod, if I do happen to catch a honk or a roar, then only rarely will I give them the sign, and if I do it's more for my own amusement as their anger will inevitably escalate, it's not through any malice, it just makes me laugh to hear people get so worked up over absolutely nothing.

The road is game, that’s why it’s good to listen to music, just in the background, you take it less seriously that way. If a bus cuts me up, and I have to retreat, then in my head I hear that descending sound that you get in the old Space Invaders, and I picture a ‘Game Over ‘ materialising into my view. ‘Wha wha wow’.

From an aesthetical point of view it's good to look fly whilst ripping your shit. When I first started in ‘99 I was a real geek, with the Lycra, luminous jacket, helmet and clear glasses to keep the soot out of my eyes. Though I was couriering and often doing 9 hours a day on the saddle, so maybe I needed Lycra, as yes, you do get saddle rash with the wrong gear. Being luminous you don’t need, unless you’re a pussy.

Later, as a student, I would sport a stylish hat and always have a pocket full of pistachios, which I would shell and eat, casually discarding the shells onto the road, as I sped along.

I thought this looked good, really eccentric.

Another thing I like to do when cycling, much less eccentric, is phlegm up a good amount of gob and project it with considerable force into an empty space on my right (in Yank Land that would be to the left), this reminds people that after all, we're just animals, it’s good to enforce a wild, untameable, street-urchin persona - it keeps people off your back.

Clothes are a problem when cycling, as Lycra can never look good, and if like me, you like to push yourself, then you're going to sweat, and you don't want to ruin your good gear with that. Often I turn up at places dripping with soot and grime, I don't mind, but maybe it's held me back.

I'm still working on that one, on getting a costume made up, maybe with a small cape and a utility belt. It would be good to fit a harpoon gun to the front of the cycle, with sucker darts. That way you could attach yourself to busses and catch a free ride, chill out, drink a beer for a bit, pretend to the ladies that you're in possession of 'powers' and get yourself banged up in the asylum for a few years, there you could really work the whole thing out properly…